I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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