i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
