she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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