Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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