Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
