when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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