At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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