Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
