so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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