If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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