when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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