No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
