nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
