I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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