I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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