When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
