Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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