I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Im part way to drunk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
