she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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