He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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