Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
