I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Welp...herpes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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