what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
