The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
