I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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