okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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