whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
