no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
