I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
