Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
