I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it because I queefed?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
