Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
