I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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