I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
