I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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