Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
