im drinking this country out of the recession.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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