i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He passed out mid-signature
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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