you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
