Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
