Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
