last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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