my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
