I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
