dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
