Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
