Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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