i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
