I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize