the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
