WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
