Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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