Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
