Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize