dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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