She is in my trunk
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
