I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
