I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
