some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I AM VODKA MAN
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
