I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
