Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
True but thats because hes a fetus.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
