so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
