drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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