quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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