Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
