I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
only you would photoshop your dick
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
