we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
