Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
