I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
