My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
